What did I do?

• Watched an entire season of Chuck and Heroes.  I’m starting Mad Men tomorrow.  I’ve given Hulu its most traffic since “Dick in a Box.”
• Looked over my resume probably thirty times, and didn’t change a single thing on any of those revisits.  I still have more white space than a segregated diner in the 50′s.  Not good (both the joke and the situation).
• Listened to country music.  COUNTRY MUSIC.  I’m absolutely ashamed at myself, and I can’t believe I just wrote that, but seriously.  Dolly Parton.  9 to 5.  LEGIT.
• Organized ________.  Lots of things can fill in this blank, such as my iTunes library, my computer documents, and the old high school stuff that’s been in my room since Senior Ditch Day ’07.
• Began rereading Harry Potter 7.  And I’m JUST AS THRILLED AS WHEN I READ IT THE FIRST TIME.  I’m a nerd.

And then of course, internship stuff and Seussical stuff and SAE stuff and socializing and friends and everything.

But seriously…

Winter break?

Not so fantastic.

I want to marry Dorota.

“Fingerprinting, forensic anthropology, polygraphs, DNA identification, criminal biobanking—an increasing number of technologies characterize the contemporary practice of police investigation and criminal prosecution. With them they bring not only important questions about reliability and “good” science, but also ethical and social debates about the practice of justice. In this course, we bring together an exploration of the science of forensics with a critical examination of its history, practice, and portrayal in popular culture. “

INCREDIBLE.  I’m such a nerd, but still.  INCREDIBLE.

Crap.

The snow is falling now, and although it’s been that way on and off every once in a while for the last few weeks, it’s finally starting to stick.  Unfortunately.

As much as I love snow, and as much as I feel completely cool being in a snowy environment that my friends back in LA don’t get to enjoy, I HATE when the snow starts to stick.

No longer do I get to ride my bike and not worry about a sudden fall and immediate death.  No longer do I get to enjoy a pleasant walk in any given direction, because the snow has the tendency to fly in ANY GIVEN DIRECTION.  No longer do I get to wear less than three coats or a shoe thinner than a snow boot or go gloveless as the day I was born.  It’s all over.

This isn’t the worst thing in the world.  There are far worse things to happen on a college campus than an unfortunate snowfall.  But the problem is that the snow has started, and it’s not going to stop until, like, March.  Or April.  The snow here has a tendency to fall constantly during peak months (Peak?  Snow?  Get it?  Ahhhhh.) and then stop just long enough for the snow to melt, and the sidewalk becomes almost entirely clear until Mother Nature shows her bitch side and lets it snow once more.

All that isn’t until the spring, though, or pseudospring, actually.  Until then, it’s just going to be constant snow that’s not enjoyable nor winter-wonderlandesque.

REJOICE.

#5. Star Jones

Poor Star is just a big ol’ piece of work, and she continues to pick fights with her View ladies.  You might wonder why I used a picture of Star from her Aunt Jemima days.  Frankly, that’s just how this big boulder of love is going to remain in my mind, no matter how much she gets sucked out.

#4. Somalian Pirates

Since the only pirates I like are in the Caribbean, then there’s really nothing admirable about the asses who hijacked a U.S. ship a few weeks ago.  Give the boat back, boys, and go back to your own country and wait for VH1 to call you with a reality show deal.

#3. Gwen Ifill

As much as I love Obama and his supporters, I feel like Gwen Ifill should have just given up her spot as moderator of the VP debate a few weeks ago.  I would rather have seen her just gracefully relinquish this position so that the Republicans wouldn’t be able to put even an ounce of blame on her if Biden won the debate [which, frankly, he did, but he didn't do it with shine -- it was more like having a push-up contest against a double amputee (you choose the limbs)].  I’m happy that my Republican friends didn’t cite Ifill’s pro-Obamaness as bias towards Biden, but even so… shame on Gwen Ifill for even accepting the position in the first place.

#2. Lauren Conrad

YOUR SHOW IS FAKE.  That is all.

#1. Steve Jobs

Come ON, Steve Jobs!  Are you <a href=”http://www.apple.com/macbook/”>KIDDING</a> me??  I feel like the stupidest decision a person can make nowadays is buying an Apple product, because no matter when you purchase it, it will only be a matter of moments before the next big update of the product is released.  It’s been like this consistently for years, and quite frankly it just pisses me off.  Steve Jobs, you do not know the common American.  You do not understand our thought process and the way we like to live our lives.  You do not know who we are, what we want, or how pissed we get when you do something wrong.  Why, Steve Jobs, I believe you can be the next Republican presidential candidate!

The spawn of Satan got BOOED.  HAAAAAAAAAA!

Granted, there is one ridiculous line in the song that gets me every time:

“Brain so good coulda swore you went to college”

come on t.i.  that makes you sound so stupid. :’(

check it out.  it’s around the 1:33 mark in this video

Help me win a scholarship, please.

First here’s the SNL spoof, followed by some of my favorite youtube spoofs.

The best part of how people look over their shoulders.  ha.

-dike

we’ll try, but man… it’s damn hard.