5 people who bug me

#5. Star Jones

Poor Star is just a big ol’ piece of work, and she continues to pick fights with her View ladies.  You might wonder why I used a picture of Star from her Aunt Jemima days.  Frankly, that’s just how this big boulder of love is going to remain in my mind, no matter how much she gets sucked out.

#4. Somalian Pirates

Since the only pirates I like are in the Caribbean, then there’s really nothing admirable about the asses who hijacked a U.S. ship a few weeks ago.  Give the boat back, boys, and go back to your own country and wait for VH1 to call you with a reality show deal.

#3. Gwen Ifill

As much as I love Obama and his supporters, I feel like Gwen Ifill should have just given up her spot as moderator of the VP debate a few weeks ago.  I would rather have seen her just gracefully relinquish this position so that the Republicans wouldn’t be able to put even an ounce of blame on her if Biden won the debate [which, frankly, he did, but he didn't do it with shine -- it was more like having a push-up contest against a double amputee (you choose the limbs)].  I’m happy that my Republican friends didn’t cite Ifill’s pro-Obamaness as bias towards Biden, but even so… shame on Gwen Ifill for even accepting the position in the first place.

#2. Lauren Conrad

YOUR SHOW IS FAKE.  That is all.

#1. Steve Jobs

Come ON, Steve Jobs!  Are you <a href=”http://www.apple.com/macbook/”>KIDDING</a> me??  I feel like the stupidest decision a person can make nowadays is buying an Apple product, because no matter when you purchase it, it will only be a matter of moments before the next big update of the product is released.  It’s been like this consistently for years, and quite frankly it just pisses me off.  Steve Jobs, you do not know the common American.  You do not understand our thought process and the way we like to live our lives.  You do not know who we are, what we want, or how pissed we get when you do something wrong.  Why, Steve Jobs, I believe you can be the next Republican presidential candidate!

McCain: suddenly religious and increasingly elderly

So what did I think of Old McDonald’s speech?

You know what? It wasn’t terrible. But it wasn’t great either. It was good. Just, good.

The problem I’m having with it was that he did little more than make very broad statements about change, and did nothing more than tell his POW story yet again. Yes, McCain, we all know you’re a great American, thanks. But now it’s the big leagues and you’ve gotten your nomination… this story is not why people should vote for you. McCain played his entire speech very, very safe. He had no shock, no wit, no insight into anything other than, for the most part, “I am America and so can you.” That’s basically a summary of his speech. Thanks, Colbert.

Lots of vague talk about change. Nothing really all that interesting. The last thing McCain needs is to give off the image of uninteresting.

A safe speech, a nice speech, a semi-charismatic speech with a few elderly slip-ups. But McCain definitely hasn’t stepped up yet. The end of his speech did make me smile, I’ll admit, and it was a great finish. And he did well to distance himself from Bush.

Good job, McCain. And nice try winning over the evangelicals with all the talk about being God’s children, but this isn’t the 700 Club. I applaud McCain for a good effort, but this election might end up being another JFK vs. Nixon act, with the young’n far outshining the old man. If it even gets to that. Hell, it’s going to end up being Obama vs. Palin, with Biden and McCain just going along for the ride.

Oh, and I can’t end without sharing this gem.

Yes sir, Old McDonald wants to distance himself from Bush, but I’m not going to let him!

a side note: rudy giuliani

On a side note, I wanted to make a point of how completely repulsive Giuliani’s speech was.

Here is a man who had my utmost respect following 9/11, and who I kept my eye on attentively during the primaries. I had great respect for who he was as a person and what he could do for this country, both on paper and in theory. But seeing Giuliani write a speech merely so that people would cheer at every mention of an Obama insult… it was truly a shame to see a great politician be reduced to nothing more than the flavor of the week roaster.

Giuliani reminded me of a film critic. Often times, they might love a movie, but if the title of a film lends itself to a pun that can be made, then they’ll take that road, and get people to read their review not for their true opinion of a film, but for the witty insults they can come up with. Giuliani didn’t do much better here.

Please. At least Obama trashes McCain while trying to seem polite. Rudy Giuliani, I just lost all respect I had for you during your incredibly inarticulate and, for the most part, cruel speech. Why don’t you stop bashing Obama and start celebrating McCain? That might be a good start.

the only reason I like diddy

Yes, Diddy, I’m SURE they have some black people in Alaska.

And THIS is what I want to show EVERY SINGLE DUMBASS VOTING FOR MCCAIN.

Thank you Nicky.

dos mas semanas

Today was my last day of being employed in the state of California.

I’m DONEEEEE.

Now the Evanston countdown starts and I’ve got two weeks to fuck around and do nothing. I think by the time I figure out what to do with myself, the two weeks will be over.

by the way, Barack Obama, have my babies.