5 people who bug me

#5. Star Jones

Poor Star is just a big ol’ piece of work, and she continues to pick fights with her View ladies.  You might wonder why I used a picture of Star from her Aunt Jemima days.  Frankly, that’s just how this big boulder of love is going to remain in my mind, no matter how much she gets sucked out.

#4. Somalian Pirates

Since the only pirates I like are in the Caribbean, then there’s really nothing admirable about the asses who hijacked a U.S. ship a few weeks ago.  Give the boat back, boys, and go back to your own country and wait for VH1 to call you with a reality show deal.

#3. Gwen Ifill

As much as I love Obama and his supporters, I feel like Gwen Ifill should have just given up her spot as moderator of the VP debate a few weeks ago.  I would rather have seen her just gracefully relinquish this position so that the Republicans wouldn’t be able to put even an ounce of blame on her if Biden won the debate [which, frankly, he did, but he didn't do it with shine -- it was more like having a push-up contest against a double amputee (you choose the limbs)].  I’m happy that my Republican friends didn’t cite Ifill’s pro-Obamaness as bias towards Biden, but even so… shame on Gwen Ifill for even accepting the position in the first place.

#2. Lauren Conrad

YOUR SHOW IS FAKE.  That is all.

#1. Steve Jobs

Come ON, Steve Jobs!  Are you <a href=”http://www.apple.com/macbook/”>KIDDING</a> me??  I feel like the stupidest decision a person can make nowadays is buying an Apple product, because no matter when you purchase it, it will only be a matter of moments before the next big update of the product is released.  It’s been like this consistently for years, and quite frankly it just pisses me off.  Steve Jobs, you do not know the common American.  You do not understand our thought process and the way we like to live our lives.  You do not know who we are, what we want, or how pissed we get when you do something wrong.  Why, Steve Jobs, I believe you can be the next Republican presidential candidate!

even the hockey moms hate her!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The spawn of Satan got BOOED.  HAAAAAAAAAA!

matt damon saying something worth hearing

I’ve never disliked Matt Damon, but at the same time, I’ve always just pushed him to the back of my celebrity focus. I never saw the Bourne movies, so I thus don’t really care too much about him. But man, did this guy rise up on my list today. He was able to articulate basically every feeling I have about Sarah Palin without attacking, nitpicking, or giving snarky insults. Maybe I’ll go rent your movies now, Matty.

And yet it baffles me how people can continue to throw aside these concerns and actually believe that she’s the right choice to be President if McCain dies.

McBush!

This is one of my favorite things on the Internet right now.

5 people who bug me

#5. Eddie Murphy
Are you there, God? It’s me, Eddie Murphy. Please, send me the sense to make some good career choices. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, honestly. I can’t decide if I’m doing kids’ movies (which, by the way, the kids don’t even see), or if I’m going for the adult comedies (which, by the way, the adults don’t even see). Why does his Heavenly Body tease me so, with a semi-comeback with “Dreamgirls?” Why did I give up the momentum that came from that movie? Why am I such an idiot lately, and why did I lose the respect of so many people? Please send me a good script, and I promise I’ll consider it before taking the option to executive produce “Norbit 2.” Amen.

#4. Stephen King
I don’t know if anyone’s read his column in Entertainment Weekly but Stephen King has the ugliest mug to put on a column each week. I don’t know why he writes a column for EW, because honestly, there’s nothing about his pop culture analysis that makes me like him. Plus, he’s Stephen King. I really don’t care what he has to say. He brought “It” into my life, and for that, I will never forgive him.

#3. Cindy McCain
Her outfit at the RNC on Tuesday cost about $300,000, according to my boy Perez. There’s just something about her that screams, “I’m married to a septuagenarian, can’t you guess?” I do NOT want my First Lady wearing something that costs more than a modest house, nor do I want someone who looks like Cruella de Vil. Poor girl. It’s like she’s a 53-year-old trapped in a 54-year-old’s body.

#2. Chris Matthews
Hey, I’ve always liked Chris Matthews. I really have. But the other day I turned on Hardball and no more than 15 seconds after he and Pat Buchanan exchanged friendly greetings did Matthews immediately start lashing out at Buchanan, giving the poor old man 30 seconds of trash before allowing him to utter out an answer. Matthews started out as a great political watchdog, but now he’s just as obnoxious as Larry King… he knows he’s got the reputation, and now he’s just annoyingly vicious, as if that’s what’s expected of him. You bug me this week, Chris Matthews.

#1. Sarah Palin
I suppose it’s to nobody’s surprise that Sarah Palin takes the number one spot this week. After all, it was a mere 7 days ago that I first heard her name, and what great friends we’ve become since! Gosh, she’s such a darn great girl. And so pretty, too, for a hockey mom, that is! You know what they say about hockey moms! The only difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull is lipstick! What an absolutely absurd and hilarious wit! Gosh, she’s so great.

You all bug the hell out of me this week. We’ll see who shows up on the list again next Friday… I’m looking at you, hockey mom.

7 FUN things i bet you didn’t know about sarah palin!

Hooray! 7 FUN things! Sarah Palin is just so much fun!

#7. During her six years as mayor of Wasilla, the amount of taxes collected by the City increased by 38%.

#6. She attempted to fire the City Librarian because the Librarian would not remove requested books from the Library that Palin wanted removed.

#5. After she ended her run as mayor, her city’s debt was $22 million. It was zero before she got into office.

#4. She was a PTA mom that was hardly involved, other mothers have told the press. When her 19-year-old son started elementary school.

#3. Her tax cuts were for the majority beneficial only to large corporations. For normal residents, she was kind enough to give the gift of a regressive sales tax that included food.

#2. She kept her pregnancy a secret from both her children and her parents for seven months. They found out when the news found out.

#1. She fired Wasilla’s police chief because, as she told the press, he “intimidated” her.

Lots more fun facts here!

Why the media should apologize to Sarah Palin

What a primo article by Roger Simon. McCain’s campaign asked the media to stop inquiring about Palin, as it was disruptive to the campaign. Ok. Sorry, McCain. Anyway, read Roger Simon’s great article below:

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0908/13143.html

Why the media should apologize
By Roger Simon

“On behalf of the media, I would like to say we are sorry.

On behalf of the elite media, I would like to say we are very sorry.

We have asked questions this week that we should never have asked.

We have asked pathetic questions like: Who is Sarah Palin? What is her record? Where does she stand on the issues? And is she is qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency?

We have asked mean questions like: How well did John McCain know her before he selected her? How well did his campaign vet her? And was she his first choice?

Bad questions. Bad media. Bad.

It is not our job to ask questions. Or it shouldn’t be. To hear from the pols at the Republican National Convention this week, our job is to endorse and support the decisions of the pols.

Sarah Palin hit the nail on the head Wednesday night (and several in the audience wish she had hit some reporters on the head instead) when she said: “I’m not a member of the permanent political establishment. And I’ve learned quickly, these past few days, that if you’re not a member in good standing of the Washington elite, then some in the media consider a candidate unqualified for that reason alone.”

See Also
John McCain’s idealistic dilemma
Palin wows GOP, puts Dems on notice
Clinton aides: Palin treatment sexist
Politico’s guide to the conventions
But where did we go wrong with Sarah Palin? Let me count the ways:

First, we should have stuck to the warm, human interest stuff like how she likes mooseburgers and hit an important free throw at her high school basketball tournament even though she had a stress fracture.

Second, we should have stuck to the press release stuff like how she opposed the Bridge to Nowhere (after she supported it).

Third, we should never have strayed into the other stuff. Like when The Washington Post recently wrote: “Palin is under investigation by a bipartisan state legislative body. … Palin had promised to cooperate with the legislative inquiry, but this week she hired a lawyer to fight to move the case to the jurisdiction of the state personnel board, which Palin appoints.”

Why go there? What trees does that plant?

Fourth, we should stop making with all the questions already. She gave a really good speech. And why go beyond that? As we all know, speeches cannot be written by others and rehearsed for days. They are true windows to the soul.

Unless they are delivered by Barack Obama, that is. In which case, as Palin said Wednesday, speeches are just a “cloud of rhetoric.”

Fifth, we should stop reporting on the families of the candidates. Unless the candidates want us to.

Sarah Palin wanted the media to report on her teenage son, Track, who enlisted in the Army on Sept. 11, 2007, and soon will deploy to Iraq.

Sarah Palin did not want the media to report on her teenage daughter, Bristol, who is pregnant and unmarried.

Sarah Palin thinks that one is good for her campaign and one is not, and that the media should report only on what is good for her campaign. That is our job, and that is our duty. If that is not actually in the Constitution, it should be. (And someday may be.)

The official theme of the convention’s third day was “prosperity,” but the unofficial theme was “the media are really, really awful.”

Even Mike Huckabee, who campaigned for president this year by saying “I am a conservative, but I am not mad at anybody,” discovered Wednesday night that he is mad at somebody.

“I’d like to thank the elite media for doing something,” Huckabee said, “that, quite frankly, I didn’t think could be done: unify the Republican Party and all of America in support of John McCain and Sarah Palin.”

And could that be the real point of the attacks on the media? To unify the Republican Party?

No, that is simply the cynical, media view.

Though as Lily Tomlin says, “No matter how cynical I get, it’s just never enough to keep up.”

I couldn’t resist that. For which I am sorry.”

McCain: suddenly religious and increasingly elderly

So what did I think of Old McDonald’s speech?

You know what? It wasn’t terrible. But it wasn’t great either. It was good. Just, good.

The problem I’m having with it was that he did little more than make very broad statements about change, and did nothing more than tell his POW story yet again. Yes, McCain, we all know you’re a great American, thanks. But now it’s the big leagues and you’ve gotten your nomination… this story is not why people should vote for you. McCain played his entire speech very, very safe. He had no shock, no wit, no insight into anything other than, for the most part, “I am America and so can you.” That’s basically a summary of his speech. Thanks, Colbert.

Lots of vague talk about change. Nothing really all that interesting. The last thing McCain needs is to give off the image of uninteresting.

A safe speech, a nice speech, a semi-charismatic speech with a few elderly slip-ups. But McCain definitely hasn’t stepped up yet. The end of his speech did make me smile, I’ll admit, and it was a great finish. And he did well to distance himself from Bush.

Good job, McCain. And nice try winning over the evangelicals with all the talk about being God’s children, but this isn’t the 700 Club. I applaud McCain for a good effort, but this election might end up being another JFK vs. Nixon act, with the young’n far outshining the old man. If it even gets to that. Hell, it’s going to end up being Obama vs. Palin, with Biden and McCain just going along for the ride.

Oh, and I can’t end without sharing this gem.

Yes sir, Old McDonald wants to distance himself from Bush, but I’m not going to let him!

Crystal Pepsi: The Drink of The Democrats

this just cracks me up.

look to the left of everyone’s favorite 30-minutes-of-fame political analyst.

some guys clearly had their priorities in order at the DNC, holding up a sign that says “BRING BACK CRYSTAL PEPSI.” hahahahahahaha.

you see, GOP? some of our people are just as stupid as yours.

Fantasy politics?

Enough with this political stuff, on to what really matters in life: fantasy sports.  Who cares who wins the election if your starting running back just tore his ACL right?  Ok, well maybe that‘s a stretch.

So I had my fantasy football draft last weekend and I’m not too happy with my team.  I’m not really disappointed either, but I feel as though I’ll end up middle of the pack, not where I’d like to be.  I have a mediocre starting lineup, and my only trade bait is that traitor Brett Favre – being from Green Bay I can say that – and rookie running back Jonathon Stewart.  Whatever, three of the teams in my league had to autodraft and ended up with some disappointing teams.

On to America’s favorite fantasy sport, soccer!  My English Premier League fantasy team isn’t doing as well as they’re used to doing – league champ the last two years – but are well on their way.  A slow start in soccer is easily made up for, I am not worried.

This makes me think, what would happen if there was Fantasy Politics?  Would you get points based on states, votes, or delegates?  If it was states the gave you the most points the winner of the election may not be the top draft pick in your fantasy draft.  Oh god, the choices!  And running mates, don’t get me started.

Sad thing is, type “fantasy politics” into a google search and there are actually numerous results where you can play some sort of fantasy congress and such.  I was sickened and thought it was best not to investigate these.

-dike